On Saying Please Question Answers — A.G. Gardiner Essay

On Saying Please is a reflective essay by A.G. Gardiner about the importance of small social courtesies — particularly saying 'please' and 'thank you.' It begins with an anecdote about a lift man who throws out a rude passenger and is arrested. Gardiner argues that while the lift man was right to feel angry, violence was wrong. He explores how courtesy is not enforceable by law but is essential to the quality of social life. Rudeness creates tension and hostility; courtesy creates warmth and ease.

The main themes are: the importance of courtesy and civility in social life; the difference between legal behaviour and moral behaviour — rudeness is not illegal but it is socially damaging; the social contract — we depend on each other's goodwill in daily interactions; the power of small words — 'please' and 'thank you' cost nothing but create enormous goodwill; and the quality of daily life — Gardiner argues that courtesy makes life significantly more pleasant for everyone.

The lift man threw out a passenger who had been rude to him — demanding a floor without saying 'please.' He was arrested for assault because, even though the passenger was rude, the lift man had no legal right to use physical force in response. Gardiner uses this anecdote to make a philosophical point: the lift man's anger was morally justified, but his method was wrong. Rudeness is not punishable by law — but that does not mean it is acceptable.

Gardiner makes a careful distinction: courtesy is not enforceable by law, but it is essential to social life. You cannot be arrested for being rude. But just because something is not illegal does not mean it is acceptable. Gardiner argues that society runs on an informal code of mutual respect — the social oil that makes daily life smooth. When people are rude, they damage this social fabric without facing legal consequences. The absence of legal sanction does not make rudeness harmless.

Gardiner gives several everyday examples: the lift man, bus conductors, shop assistants, and people in the street. He shows how small words — 'please,' 'thank you,' 'excuse me' — cost nothing but create enormous goodwill. He also shows how rudeness creates a ripple effect of bad feeling. A rude passenger makes the lift man angry; the angry lift man may be short with the next passenger; and so on. Courtesy creates a similar ripple of goodwill. The small coin of courtesy, spent freely, enriches everyone.

The title is deceptively simple — saying 'please' seems like a trivial, childish thing. But Gardiner takes this simplest of courtesies and uses it to explore the entire architecture of social life. 'Please' is the most basic unit of mutual respect — the acknowledgement that you are asking for something, not demanding it; that the person serving you is a person, not a machine. By focusing on something this simple, Gardiner shows that the foundations of a civilised society are built from exactly these tiny daily acts of recognition and respect.

Gardiner sympathises with the lift man's impulse but not his action. He understands completely why the lift man was angry — being treated rudely and dismissively is genuinely unpleasant, and the desire to react strongly is natural. But Gardiner argues that violence is never the right response to rudeness. The lift man cannot improve social manners by force; he only made himself liable for assault. The correct response to rudeness is to remain courteous — not because the rude person deserves it, but because courtesy is what we owe to our own character and to social life.

Gardiner's image of courtesy as a 'social coin' means that it is the currency of daily social exchange — the medium through which we buy goodwill, ease, and warmth from those around us. Just as a real coin is a small, light thing of great practical value, so 'please' and 'thank you' are small, costless words of enormous social value. To refuse to spend this currency — to withhold courtesy — is to impoverish the social atmosphere around you and to cause real harm to others' day and mood.

Gardiner was writing in the early 20th century, when British class relations were still rigid but beginning to change. His concern with how people treat service workers — lift men, bus conductors, shop assistants — reflects an awareness of class tensions. Wealthy or middle-class people often treated working-class service workers with contempt. Gardiner argues that every person, regardless of class or occupation, deserves courtesy. His essay is implicitly egalitarian — courtesy is owed to everyone, and demanding it for yourself while withholding it from others is hypocrisy.

The essay teaches that small courtesies — saying 'please,' 'thank you,' 'excuse me' — are the foundations of a pleasant, civilised society. They cost nothing but create enormous goodwill. Rudeness is not illegal but it is genuinely harmful — it poisons the social atmosphere and makes daily life worse for everyone. The moral is not to be polite out of fear of punishment but to be polite because courtesy is what we owe each other as fellow human beings, because it makes life better, and because the person you are speaking to deserves to be treated as a person.